to love and be loved

I follow a blog called No Greater Joy Mom.  I don't know when I started reading this blog, but I know why.  She's mom to two beautiful babies that just happen to have down syndrome.  I've always loved her posts because I can see how much having family that loves instead of putts down, and that cares instead of ignores, can make a difference.

Last night, I was reading one of her posts and it hit me like a rock.  I miss my babies in Peru.  I miss them all, but especially one in particular.  Naylee.  Why do babies with down syndrom catch at my heart?  I don't know, I guess it's just the way God made me.

Between the first time I visited Naylee and the second, she grew so much.  When I went back she was starting to try to mimic words, played games, and even more energetic than before.  But, she was also being tied down more than ever.  Her strength and size (the strength and size of a 6 year old without down syndrome), was too much for the nurses.

I found out,after playing with her, that she does get tired.  She is so energetic and hard to handle because she dosen't get to get rid of her energy. I would be bouncing off the walls too if I didn't get to get out of my chair all day.  It broke my heart then and it still does now, that the best gifts God gave her, her energy and love of life, are the reasons she is being held captive in a car seat.  I can remember the anger I felt when I walked in her room and she was tied into her chair and then to a leg of a table so she couldn't tip the chair over as she tried to get out.  Or the time that I walked in the room from taking another baby outside to play and the mom was trying to tie her into her chair by her waist and her neck.  Those were the times that I had to leave the room.  I couldn't watch without doing something, and I couldn't do anything if I wanted to be able to come back and love on her.  There's a very fine balance between what we can do in the orphanages and what we can't.  We cannot be disrespectful or the director will not let us come back, because the moms will tell him we were making trouble.

After a few days, Naylee started to remember me.  She is so smart; she even started to learn my name. We would play games on day, and when I wold come back, she would want to play the same games; placing my hands over my eyes so we would play hide and seek.  After a few days of playing with her, she started to let me hold her.  She doesn't let anybody hold her; but that's only because they don't take the time to love her.  She would sit in my lap for a hour just letting me scratch her back and rock her.  She loved to be loved.

I was trying to read a book for my book club earlier today, but all I could think about was little Naylee. It completely blows my mind sometimes that she is over there doing her thing and I'm here doing mine.  It is so easy to forget.  But then God reminds me.  She is over there, probably in her chair, just waiting for someone to come through the door and play with her.  My worries and problems seen so frivolous when I think about hers.  She simply needs to be loved.

Another blog, Loving the Least of These, had a beautiful post today about being burdened.  God has burdened my heart with a love for those babies.  Sometimes it feels like too much, like today. Sometimes I just want to forget it all.  But then, what would be my purpose?  Sure, it is easier to forget, but is that love?  Can I love if I don't feel the burden of those who need?

So, when the days seem to drag on with memories of hugs and kisses from those babies, I'm still thankful.  Thankful that I know about it and then God has burdened my heart with the need to love in His name.