are you a trader?

I saw this video probably a few months ago and thought it was really cool.  Tonight, I stumbled upon it (literally, we spend a lot of time during the week on stumble upon here in Peru).  

It gives you a lot to think about, watch it twice if you need to.

happiness

Today, as I walked through Pachacutec, someone called my name in a very cute Peruvian accent.  One of the third graders I taught today I wondered?  I turned around towards the voice and got a huge hug.  Not from one of my third graders though, from one of my SIXTH GRADERS.  Do you remember them?  No, let me refresh your memory...

This is the class that I was able to sponsor with the donations you all gave me.  That money is still effecting people today.  The love it helped to spread means so much.

My mind was blown and my day was made after that short conversation. I had no idea that any of the sixth graders would remember me seven months later.  I know that I stand out, being about one of ten while people in almost the whole of Pachacutec.  But still, volunteers come and go pretty frequently.  

I was very happy after this conversation.  

This afternoon, after we got home from Pachacutec and ate lunch, Katie and I went to the new orphanage Divino Jesus.  This orphanage is the new home of all the babies from San Antonio.  

This orphanage makes me happy also.  Yesterday was the first time we were allowed to visit this orphanage, and it is very different than the one they were in before.  At Divine Jesus, there are 5-8 children in each room with one mom to a room.  The moms seem much happier here, and this translates into better care for the kids.  

My kids yesterday were allowed to play with their toys all day; we even colored!  Having 6 children versus 15 children in one room makes a huge difference as to what you can do with them.  Today, when we went back, Katie and I walked into the huge courtyard and found them all playing outside!  In all four months I was at San Antionio's, I probably played outside with those babies no more than 15 days.  Today, all of the kids were out together, and the moms were playing with them.  They were getting to be little kids; running and screaming and laughing.  I was happy when I left there today.

Happy for the first time ever leaving an orphanage.  But happiness must be a relative thing, because even through they are better off, they are still missing so many things they deserve.  Parents to worry about tucking them in bed, about wether they have eaten enough, about their cough and runny nose, and about the bump on their head.  The small things that mean the most, the untangle things.  Those are the things that matter the most.  I was happy today.  But still, I was sad.  

Once you meet these kids who have no one; once you hold their hand and kiss their bellies, you can't fully heal your heart.  Your heart is broken the moment you let yourself love them.  After knowing their pain and longing for love, you can't be completely happy again.  This is the way I would have it though. I wouldn't ever change it.  Because we are told:

"I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!" - Matthew 25:40

Jesus dies for me, the least I can do for Him is continue to love with a break in my heart.

a walk in peru

This weekend is a quiet one.  There were only five, soon to be three of us at home.  Everyone minus us (including Katie) went sand boarding, and two of the five left are leaving tonight.  I've taken this weekend to get things in order.  Yesterday, I got my banking account ready, figuring it needs to be in reasonable shape before I head to school.  Today, I made the trek to Plaza San Miguel (the closest thing to a mall in Lima) and Tottus (think Walmart) to get out some money and buy my parting gifts.  Being the only one who needed to go there, I took the opportunity to take a nice long walk by myself and really take in my surroundings. Since it's a good thirty minute walk, most people want to just take the bus there, but I enjoy walking!

After today, I feel like I must not be doing a very good job of living in the present moment.  I noticed so many more things when I was looking for them.

Here are a few things I love about Peru.

Looking at the grass and thinking it must have poured over night because there are so many puddles, only to remember that it dosen't rain in Lima.  What happened?  Let's just say that they really like to water the grass here.  A better term might be drowning.  Yes, they really like to drown their grass.

Watching a father and son play football.  Not typical Peruvian football, but American football.  This is actually the first time I have ever seen an American football in Peru.  They do get points for trying, but I think I might be able to catch better then they could.

The dogs.  There are so many dogs, and they are always a good form of entertainment.  A few days ago, there was a big dog that was inside a gate. He could just barely get his head and one leg to stick out between the bars.  On the other side was a small dog that thought it would be funny to get a close as possible to the big dog without getting eaten.  The big dog was going crazy.

Being sold things everywhere.  I decided to keep track of the things I saw people trying to sell through car widows today: gum, hard candy, cookies, rags, brooms, q-tips, and car fresheners are just a few.  Some memorable things that I didn't see today include kites and ice cream.  Coming out of any major store, you are likely to find pople on the side of the road selling DVDs, CDs, candy apples, crackers, cookies, drinks, candy, meat on a stick, rice pudding, popcorn, corn on the cob, and many many more things.  There are also people who get on the public buses and try to sell things. Some of the more creative things I have seen sold on a bus are magazines, children's books, pens, and office supplies. If you happen to need something other than what is being sold through car windows and on busses no worries, most likely you can find it just a few houses down at the corner store.

There is so much to be said for living in the present.  I think it may be one of the hardest things to do given how our society functions today.  Being connected is everything.  Thinking on my last visit to Peru, one of the things the other volunteers and I loved was the lack of cell phones.  Yes, Peruvian have cell phones, but most of us didn't.  It is so much easier to talk when the person your talking to isn't looking at their phone every 30 seconds.  It really makes you feel like you matter to them.

Along with being connected, comes a lack of silence.  Silence is the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit.  Here, the Holy Spirit speaks to our hearts; directing us to God's path and showing us things that are hidden within.  Silence is the time between comments in a meaningful conversation where everyone thinks about what is being said.  The thing people are so uncomfortable with that an "awkward turtle" comment or something similare breaks the silence after a moment more often than not.  Silence is where we can reflect on ourselves, the bad and the good.  Maybe this is why we don't like silence.  Music in cars, TV at home, facebook and twitter news feed to our phone 24/7; maybe all of this noise lets us ignore the ugly things inside.  I know for me, it is a lot easier to turn on music sometimes than think about the hard things. To watch TV instead of praying, to listen to music in the car instead of sitting in silence with the Lord.  I think that in spite of being so connected to the world, I am quite unconnected to the one person who matters the most.

thank you

Thank you to all of you who kept Joselyn in your prayers over the past few days.  I finally got into contact with the house she is staying at and they say she is there.  You all lifted her up to the Lord, and He must have worked in her heart.  I know you are probably wondering why it took so long to get in touch with her.  So I'm going to explain.  Peru is so backwards sometimes.

I have a Peruvian cell phone.  In order to use that phone, I have to make sure it is "charged."  It turns out that yesterday my phone ran out of money, so I had to go find a place to charge it, which is just random places on the street.  Why didn't I use the house phone to call you ask?  Well, you can't call cell phones from house phones or house phones from cell phones.  So today, I went out on search for a place to recharge my phone.

I talked to the woman in charge of the house because the girls are not allowed to use the phone (but they are allowed to use the computer and leave the house for school...).  She said that Joselyn is there, but she is not allowed to have visitors.  So I will not be able to visit her again while I'm here because she is only allowed to have visitors on the weekends (which is why I couldn't just go see if she was at the house yesterday).  The woman gave me a reason as to why she can't have visitors, but with all the background noise, her rapid spanish, and my little spanish, I could not understand her.  I'm guessing it is because Joselyn was out late on the night that she was talking to me on facebook.  That night, she told me she was in a random internet cafe somewhere in her neighborhood.

Now that I know she is ok, and the frustration of a very difficult phone system is out of the way, I can breath again.  I'm sure that all of the prayers for her have something to do with her safety, and I am so grateful for them all.

beautiful

josleyn needs prayers

Joselyn, the girl I've been visiting the last two weeks, need prayers right now.  She is really struggling with her life right now.  She is at the point of doing something drastic.  I've done all I can, showing her how much we love her, telling her over and over again.  Her life is sad, there is no one to tell her these things permanently.  She dosen't believe this message of love coming from me.  I can only hope that the Lord will intervene.

As I talked to her no facebook tonight, she said she didn't want to go back to the girl's home she is staying at, that no one loves her, that she is not worth anything, that there is no reason for her to live.  Breaking my heart a little more with each message because I know the truth.  That she is loved, she is beautiful, she is worth more than the world, that her life is a gift to many, that the Lord has great things in her future. But she does not see these things. This is a message that so many people in our world are being told.  Please pray for her tonight.  She got off facebook saying this is the last time she will ever be on.  I don't know where she is now, it's a horrible feeling not knowing wether she is ok or not.  All I can do is pray, will you join me in lifting her name up to our Lord tonight?

questions

"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.  When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.  The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

My dad sent this in an email, and I think it is rather appropriate to what I've been writing about lately.  One of the reasons I'm here right now is to find God in bigger ways than I ever have before.  I've seen people who are so in love with God they radiate His Joy.  One thing that stands out about all of them is their faith in where the Lord is taking them.  They are willing to do anything and give everything to find Him.  I've got to be willing to take risks to find this amazing love. "To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did."

The things I've been seeing here, they way these babies are unloved and unwanted.  They way the women are forced to beg to keep their children alive.  The way children my sisters ages are sent out to beg until past midnight with no parent supervision.  The houses with noting except a mattress on the floor for the whole family to sleep on.  The little boy who has water on his brain;  something that could have been fixed with surgery if he had been born in the US.  Who has been trapped in his wheelchair for all 6 years of his life; who cries because he wants so badly to get out and play like the normal children.  Children so full of life and energy they are tied down to keep them from running around too much.  The three year olds who hit and bite so the moms will look at them.  The seven day old being taught to be strong and not cry.  All of these things have broken my heart, but it is being broken for a reason.  Only by being broken as Jesus was can I give as Jesus gave.  "When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better."

Doing God's will is not always the easiest way I could go.  It's not going to be the smoothest path.  There are going to be hard things, things that hurt.  But, I know that if it's God's will I will be protected.  Jesus' life was not easy.  He was ridiculed, mocked, persecuted, hated, and betrayed.  He was loved by many, but hated by many more.  Jesus was radical;  He didn't live by society's standards but by His Father's.  We used to wear bracelets that said WWJD.  Being young, I don't think my friends or I fully grasped the gravity of this question. I probably still don't.  What would Jesus do?  Put him in our society today, and where would He be?  This is a question I must ask myself.  Am I doing what he would be doing, going where he would be going?  Am I living by society's standards or by my Father in Heaven's? It's a tough question.  I'm not sure of the answer, but when I do figure it out I know that even if the road looks tough He will protect me.  "The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

When Jesus sends our the disciples He does not make their journey sound easy.  He gives no false messages.  He's a tell it like it is kind of guy...what He has to say dosen't sound fun.  But, if I'm not facing these kind of problems, am I living as Jesus did or as society tells me to?

Behold, I am sending you like sheep in the midst of the wolves.
Brother will hand over brother to death, and the father his child; children will rise up against parents and have them put to death.
You will be hated by all because of my name, but whoever endures to the end will be saved.
What I say to you in the darkness, speak in the light; what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops.
Everyone who acknowledges me before others I will acknowledge before my heavenly Father.  But whoever denies me before others, I will deny before my heavenly Father.
Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon earth.  I have come to bring not peace but the sword.
For I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one's enemies will be those of his household.
Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me and whoever does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my same will find it.
- Mathew 10

If you haven't heard of Katie Davis, you absolutely need to watch this video about her upcoming book. it will give you chill bumps...